I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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