Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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