you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
