hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
