that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
