take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
