I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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