I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
