come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
