Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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