Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Where is the hickey?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
