Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
