Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
