i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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