Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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