I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
