Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
