How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
