she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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