my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
