I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
my shit smells like andre
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
