worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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