Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
