I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize