you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
