Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
