OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
