He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
