I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
