I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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