I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
