I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
