Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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