hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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