our cab driver is having phone sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
