I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
