he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
