Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
