Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
