Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
