Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
