That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
