As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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