My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
