this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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