if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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