I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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