I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
