Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
