dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
