i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
