If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
